How Is The Book Doing

And how to answer hard-to-answer questions around "success" right now.

Nov 09, 2023

Hi my friends.

Well, it has officially been one month since WANT YOUR SELF launched out into the world. It’s technically been one month since the book launch cabaret that celebrated WANT YOUR SELF launching out into the world…which means it’s been 34 days exactly since my very first Publication Day ever.

Before we begin — this is a long one, so get cozy. I hesitated as to whether I should make this like 3 different posts, but what I realized is that it’s important to tell these stories simultaneously. Because life often doesn’t give us the luxury of separating one story from another, and that’s exactly what this post is about: moving forward with the story you know you’re meant to tell, while navigating so many other stories swirling in and around you.

My last note to you on here was the day before Pub Day — a day during which I still thought I would be posting on Substack multiple times in the following weeks, sharing every little bit of everything both for the reason of involving you in the process and for the reason of crossing every finger and toe that maybe, just maybe, these posts and this cadence would get more people to actually press that Add To Cart button every author covets and dreams about random people clicking on. A day during which I thought I would take one hustle and replace it with another, the race to finish the book being replaced with the race toward its release being replaced with the race to be as active on the internet as possible to get it out there being replaced with the race to get on a certain highly coveted list being replaced by…

Looking back, I thought I would do a lot of things. A lot of things I just haven’t.

But just because I didn’t do what I thought I would do doesn’t mean I “dropped the ball.”

Those things I thought I would do have been replaced by things I’ve actually done; things I have stood by more fiercely than I ever imagined I would.

Two big reasons for that:

The world.
My Self.

THE WORLD

The day after my NYC event — a one-woman show at one of NYC’s most frequented cabaret spots where I sang ‘90s jams and indie rock and Disney songs with a band for 70 minutes straight in front of a full house of 100 people and changed from high heel boots to slip-on sneakers midway through the show — was October 7th.

Suddenly, it didn’t seem so important to be sharing at some sort of light-speed cadence. Not only did it feel inappropriate to do so, it felt contradictory to every feeling I was feeling. This, combined with multiple losses and devastating events in my close personal circle, just felt like too much to bear.

And yet. Here was this thing, this entity, I had spent my entire career building both directly and indirectly. This thing I’d made a promise to. This thing I believed in fiercely — and believed in fiercely for reasons that were, in fact, directly related to everything swirling around in this tornado of grief and confusion and turmoil.

To some people, “self-talk” might seem like a pretty fucking trivial thing to focus on during times like these. But you are not some people. And I know you know. I know you know because we talk about this so often:

The stories we tell ourselves in the neutral times are the stories we lean on in the hardest times. And those stories can either help us or harm us.

Our self-talk is what can convince us we’re too small to make a difference — and so we don’t.

Our self-talk is what can convince us people are less-than just because they’re different than us — and so when it comes to extending empathy, we won’t.

Our self-talk determines whether or not we have the patience to sit with discomfort, process nuance, or learn new information that contradicts what we’ve thought to be true.

THIS is why I do the work I do.

Our self-talk is not trivial.

It is everything.

Which leads me to that second point...

MY SELF

Over the last month, I’ve gotten lots of versions of the question “How is the book doing?” Usually, the people asking this question want to know how many copies have been sold, and how that stacks up to whatever’s considered “standard.”

The thing is, the reports we get as authors tell a fraction of the story. And this isn’t the fault of our publishers or whatever team we’re working with. It’s the system. BookScan (1), which reports the number of units sold each week, apparently accounts for an average of 25-85% of ALL book sales. That’s because some stores don’t report sales on time (or ever, I’ve heard), and only tracks printed books sold (meaning zero e-book versions, or even library versions, I’ve heard). These reports are deeply imperfect. My agent told me this beforehand, my publisher told me this beforehand, I was very aware of this going into Pub Week. No surprises there.

That being said, people still want to know what sales are like, and obviously, so do authors. Seeing “500 books sold” on a BookScan report could mean 500 books sold, or it could mean 2,000 books sold. But no matter WHAT, a number seen is a number seen, you know? And, especially if you’ve put a lot of legwork into your book and book launch efforts, any number that’s below your own personal idea of a Good Number™️ can seem like a punch in the gut.

And so I decided early on to NOT focus on numbers.

I mean, of course I had a number in my head I wanted to hit. I’m practical but I’m also human.

Have I hit it? Not yet.

But is the book “doing well”? Hell yeah it is. And here’s why.

If we’re going off of the amount of books most traditionally-published books sell within its first year, which is about 250 (2), then yes, it’s for sure doing very well.

But that’s not nearly the most important factor to me, for me, when I say it’s “doing well.”

Because I have committed to playing the long game.

I looked it up, and “the long game” is a term used in golf, which I know nothing about. The long game, in golf, is “the stage of the game when distance is the most important factor.” Honestly, I was kind of surprised to learn this was the origin story of this phrase. Golf? Really? Isn’t golf about getting a little ball in a little hole? Isn’t THAT the most important factor? That you get it in the hole before anyone else does?

Apparently not. Like I said, I know nothing about golf. So I dug a little deeper via my friend and yours (Google). Turns out that “A golfer with a good long game will hit the ball far and with good accuracy.”(3) Huh.

THE LONG GAME

I’m going to stop referencing golf because I don’t know enough about it to make a super long extended metaphor out of it. But I’ll just say, that part about a golfer with a good long game being able to hit the ball far and with good accuracy is all the metaphor I need.

“Playing the long game” means being committed to the idea that you’ll go the distance to accomplish your goals, even if they seem far-off, and you’ll take the necessary steps to get there. Because once you do, your goal will be real, it will be alive, and it will be lasting.

You might not get those instant obvious wins in the moment, but they’re not what really matter anyway. You keep going, because you know you’re in it for something bigger.

My long game is to shift the entire cultural self-talk paradigm.

A big huge massive goal, yes.

But one I truly believe can be done — if I don’t get in my own way and stop because of some reason like I can’t “see it happening” or “there are too many steps to get there.”

If I’m playing the long game, I accept that my proof points might be so small I can barely recognize them in the moment. Many times, only when you zoom out can you see how every small step forward and micro moment of change caused the tides to shift irrevocably. The wisest thing you can do is pay close attention, and keep going.

This, of course, is WAY easier said than done. I just found a text I sent to one of my best friends around 2020 when I was pitching literary agents (and had been pitching for two years). I was so defeated and depleted. It felt like when I was in high school receiving college rejection letters: just a bunch of NOs and crickets on loop. Yeah, I kept going, but it didn’t come without its difficulties or heartbreak.

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I was recounting this story to someone today and they asked how I kept going in those early years.

I said to them:

I was very clear about what I was fighting for, and I wanted to keep fighting for it.

The reason I kept going is that I could name a million reasons to keep going — but only a couple reasons to pivot. I knew what game I was getting myself into, and it was one that, to me, was so very worth standing by.

So how does this lead to now? It’s all about integrity.

INTEGRITY

In chapter eight of WANT YOUR SELF, I write:

I’ve begun to realize that integrity isn’t just about truth—it’s a cornerstone of self-trust.
Integrity is when your intentions and your impact are in alignment.
When what you think, what you say, and what you do match up.
[…]
That self-trust that’s so vital to your journey of finding, being, staying, and wanting your Self relies on your integration of the word INTEGRITY into your life. Matching the outsides with the insides as much as you can, and working to bridge that intent-impact gap as well as you can, over and over again.
In order to trust your Self, you’ve got show your Self you’re worth trusting.

So, here’s the deal.

It’s always important to show your Self you’re worth trusting.

But in the higher stakes points of your life, it’s essential.

For me, hyper-focusing on sales numbers would be breaking my own trust. Not allowing myself the grace and space to stay grounded and process all the highs and lows around me and affecting me deeply would be breaking my own trust.

But NOT leaning into my long game in a time when this work matters so much would also be breaking my own trust.

And when you break your own trust, you put yourself at major risk for breaking others’ as well.

So here’s exactly what I’ve been doing since launch, and continue to do:

I am moving forward with crystal clarity on what success ACTUALLY MEANS TO ME.

In 2018, right at the beginning of this whole book publishing *journey*, I made a list of what “success” would look like. I’d heard how easy it is to get swept up in the whirlwind of publishing, so I figured I better get clear on success NOW so I’d know when I got there — instead of basing my success on someone else’s definitions.

My list in 2018 included:

Get the deal with a publishing house whose name I know and respect
WRITE THE BOOK!!
Plan and execute a book tour
See people posting pictures of their book’s pages on IG with highlights and underlines
Hold book signings where there is a line! (this one felt silly to write in the moment but it was true! I wanted people to care!)
Book is given by people as gifts to people in their lives (this is a good time to mention that the holidays are coming up)
Means a lot to people in multiple demographics

I added these to the list in 2023:

My team members (publisher, agent, pr, etc) are happy with how book promotion and sales are going
I have a great relationship with my team and it feels like we all share a common goal we’re passionate about
Book is in physical stores on prime shelf placement so people can actually see it and buy it
Book is requested in bookstores and libraries
One of those handwritten tag things by the book written by a bookseller talking about why people should buy the book (especially in NYC or hometown as “local author”)
Both strangers and close friends/family members actually read book and tell me how it’s been affecting them/how they’ve integrated the book into their lives
People feel compelled to leave positive reviews on Amazon and Goodreads telling other people the things above
Leaders in their respective communities read book and bring it into their communities to help their people
Deep and nuanced conversations on podcasts and TV vs. simple sound bytes
Have people say “I’ve never heard of this talked about this way, but this makes so much sense to me” — lightbulb moments that allow others to unearth who they know they were always meant to be
INTENTION of book matches the IMPACT of book
My own drive and determination increases over time, not decreases

There were more points, but these were —and continue to be— the big ones.

Some of these success metrics are about connection, some are about feeling solid within myself. But they’re all about something way more than a number.

Success is subjective, and that’s a better thing than we give it credit for. Because that means YOU can define it.

And while this isn’t new news and probably isn’t anything you haven’t heard before — that YOU get to decide what success looks like for YOU — so many of us begin and end with that phrase alone. No wonder we get sucked into the trap of looking outside ourselves for success markers, or end up feeling completely disconnected in some of the biggest moments in our lives, or grapple with feeling out of integrity.

We may know *logically* that we get to define success for ourselves, but rarely do we take the time to sit down and list out: what does that look like, and how will I know once I’m there?

I’m so glad I got clear on my success markers early on, because honestly, I don’t know how I’d be feeling right now if I’d left it all up to chance. I’m so glad I can look and see that my definition of success doesn’t just allow for the highs to coexist with the lows, but requires them to. My vision of success is one that makes the bright moments brighter and holds our hands in the darkness.

I’ll leave you with one last thing: an Oprah interview I reference in WANT YOUR SELF about two chapters before the end. You can watch it yourself here:

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So how is the book doing?

It’s doing well. It will do well.

And if not?

I will do well.

Thank you for asking :)

FOR THE COMMENTS SECTION: If you’re someone who’s working toward a big goal — whether it’s a book, a marathon, or just getting through the day — I’d love to hear in the comments: what are your own metrics of success? What does success look like to you, and how will you know once you’re there?