A Big Ol' List Of Holidaytime Joys: Some Good Words for November
12+ things from a tweak to your coffee order to a small strand of sparkly things to dogs in boots and more.
Over the last [I’ve lost count] years I’ve been on the internet, I’ve become accustomed to every other email hitting my inbox post-November 1st being some sort of list of things to buy over the next two months. Whether it’s a gift guide for the hard-to-please people on your list or a spammy every-two-days email chain reminding you of a 15% off deal that was supposed to end yesterday but just! got! extended! another! 48! hours!, my inbox basically becomes a digital mall — each email like a decked-out window display begging me to come on in and spend spend spend.
Not that I’m opposed to spending. Besides my love for pumpkin-spice flavored or sceneted things, one of the most “basic” things about me is probably my very stereotypical retail therapy urges. I love pretty things. And I love things that make me feel good.
Sometimes though, especially if I’m in a state of overwhelm or stress or sadness, I notice that somehow, everything suddenly looks pretty, and everything seems like it’ll make me feel good.
But as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that very rarely does buying for the sake of buying feel good past that moment of newness.
Not only that, buying for the sake of buying can drain my bank account — which can make me feel like I can’t trust myself to be financially responsible. Not true, but this is how self-trust is broken — in the micro-moments of choice that pile up that we think don’t matter. They do.
Plus, I live in NYC. And while my 600-something square foot apartment is ginormous compared to my former 470-sq ft spaces, it still doesn’t allow for a ton of storage (plus I actually use my kitchen, so any extra cabinet or oven or broiler storage is out of the question). So I have to be intentional about what I acquire and bring into my space. Otherwise, even if it’s the nicest stuff ever, it runs the risk of all piling up and feeling…like stuff. And like stuff is the opposite of how I like my things to feel to me. Stuff feels icky. Stuff feels wasteful.
I come from a long line of gift-givers, and also DELIGHT in giving gifts. But not just anything. I love putting thought into my gifts for people, tapping into a very specific shared memory or piece of knowledge I have about the person. Not every gift I give is the most-meaningful-gift-ever, but I love either knowing that the person actually needs (or has asked for) the thing I’ve gotten them, will actually use what I’ve gotten them (cue Jeremy giving me chip clips every year, which started as a gag gift until he realized that I LOVE CHIP CLIPS, SO JOKE’S ON HIM), or will feel a feeling that will actually stick with them loooooooong after the initial delight of the moment.
I’ve tried to apply this rule to myself too, and I’ve found that it works. It also makes the money I DO spend intentional, which builds my self-trust instead of breaks it.
So, this leads us here. Do you really need another email of thing after thing of STUFF to buy? I don’t think so. So I decided I’d put together a big ol’ list of holidaytime joys for you here. Some of them require spending money, some require none. But every single thing on here is highly intentional.
Gift yourself some joy, or spread some joy to someone you love. Either way, the focus is on the feeling. Because you know and I know: it’s not about what it looks like, it’s about what it feels like.
A BIG OL’ LIST OF HOLIDAYTIME JOYS:
This delicata x arugula salad recipe by my pal Phoebe Lapine. Haha, starting off the list with a salad recipe. Hear me out. Phoebe’s epic yet simple delicata squash and arugula salad is something I’m really looking forward to making this week and something that brings me so much joy — I promise you, this one is a hit. I make it every single year over the holidays and it’s just the right amount of prep and unique ingredients (delicata squash! pomegranate seeds!) to feel special but not so complicated that you’ll roll your eyes at having it on your to-make list. P.S. Phoebe also just released a free holiday recipe book that you can get when you preorder her upcoming book CARBIVORE, and it’s so so good. There’s a stuffing in there I might just have to add to my holiday menu.
Adding cinnamon to EVERYTHING. I mean, maybe don’t add cinnamon to literally everything, but it sure does make most things taste better. You can even throw a cinnamon stick in your coffee or tea and just that alone makes it feel fancier and more holiday-y.
Juuuuuust a tiny splash of Pumpkin Spice or Gingerbread or Chai syrup or powder in your coffee shop order. It’s not a full-on PSL or Gingerbread or Chai latte, but it’s also not your normal Jan-Oct order. Just trust me here.
Holiday music on Spotify or Pandora playing in your home and in your ears and in the grocery store and in cabs and Ubers and gas stations and rest stops and Walgreens and everywhere 24/7.
Holiday smells. Pine. Cinnamon (duh). Apple cider. Fireplace.
Curling up with a book that makes you feel, makes you think, or helps you do both. Here is where I tell you that if you haven’t gotten your copy of WANT YOUR SELF yet, or have gotten it but haven’t dug in yet, the time to do so is now. I promise, your Future Self who is trying to stay grounded through the holidays…or wants to make a change in the new year…or is anxious about what 2024 might bring…or just needs a reminder that they’re on their own side…that Future Self will thank you. Curl up with Holiday Radio playing in the background, brew some tea with copious amounts of cinnamon, and dive in. I’ll be doing the same.
Dogs in sweaters and boots. Ok, useful purchase alert coming in hot. If you’ve followed me on Instagram for more than a year, you have most certainly seen Frankie rock her boots during the colder months here in NYC. She has two pairs: her fuzzy boots and her rain boots. Everyone always asks HOW we get them on her. And while yes, she’s pretty easy, the trick is to get the boots that close with velcro instead of the rubber kinds you slip on like weird foot condballoons. And yes, those fuzzy boots say DOG instead of UGG.
Friendsgivings. I feel very fortunate to have always grown up doing every holiday with my family of origin. I did this until I was 30 years old and moved to NYC, when traveling back and forth for every single thing just wasn’t feasible. So for our first Thanksgiving here in NYC, we were invited to our friend Sarah’s house for our very first Friendsgiving. It’s a tradition that both Jeremy and I have grown to not just love, but deeply cherish. Sarah has since moved to LA but her epic Friendsgivings live on through us. And last week on social media, I saw many people hosting their own Friendsgivings before traveling to be with their families. Whether it’s this week or in the next few weeks, I highly recommend hosting a “Friendsgiving” celebration of your own to soak in that uniquely joyful feeling you get when everyone comes together over a shared purpose of gratitude.
Holiday lights. They’re just so simple in their beauty. A single strand can do so much to literally and figuratively light up a space.
Apotheke Charcoal lotion. Tis the season for dry skin, and this lotion by Apotheke is just a pure delight. I buy the hand soap + lotion combo for our bathroom and it feels so luxurious. My friend Jenny comments on how good it smells every time she comes over. It kind of taps into the holiday-y scents I listed above, which I love of course (the description reads cedarwood and sandalwood combine with notes of smokey amber and oud to build a broody, full-bodied fragrance and I think “broody and full-bodied” is how I would like all my fragrance choices to be described from here on out). Plus it gets me ACTUALLY putting lotion on instead of waiting so long that my skin is begging me for some TLC.
A big ol’ photo review. I LOVE going into my Camera Roll toward the end of each year to review the 12 month that I’ve just experienced. Sometimes I’ll go and make something physical with these photos, whether it’s an album or a holiday card, but mostly, I love seeing the story of my life that I’ve lived, all in sequence. Some months (and some years in general) are more devastating than others, and some are more exciting. But I think the thing that puts them ALL on my “joy” list is the fact that when I look at it all together, it feels like a tapestry of emotions and experiences — especially helpful and meaningful at the ends of years during which I’ve felt super overwhelmed or in-the-weeds of life.
Changing seasons. Right now the trees in NYC are the most beautiful I’ve seen them in years. The colors and so rich and vibrant (broody and full-bodied, even?). The weather has just turned to puffy-coat season, but it’s not so cold that my face feels like it’s gonna freeze off when I leave the house. And the thing is, I know these days are numbered. There is something so wonderful about this change in the seasons, I’ve found — the feeling of a cycle coming to a close before the pause before a new one starts up again. Not only do I find so much joy in the changing of the seasons, I find so much joy in being able to appreciate the moment I’m in. I know this magical transitional moment won’t last forever, which means I take a few extra micro-moments each day to soak it in.
BEFORE WE WRAP UP!
I wanted to let you know about a few VERY special events coming up in January, which feels like it’s so far away but is right around the corner. I’m partnering up with Happy Women Dinners again to speak at not one but THREE of their events:
FORT WORTH, TX: Saturday, January 20th, 12-2pm (deadline to RSVP: 12/30)
AUSTIN, TX: Sunday, January 21st, 12-2pm (deadline to RSVP: 1/10)
BIRMINGHAM, AL: Thursday, January 25th, 6-8pm (deadline to RSVP: 1/10)
If you want to attend any of these, email the founder of Happy Women Dinners, Jill, at jill@happywomendinners.com to let her know ASAP — these events have limited space, and are so special. I did one in Los Angeles last month and it was one of my favorite events ever. I would love to see you there.
Also, if you need some company in the next few weeks, I would love to keep you company on your drives, or walks, or commutes, or while doing chores around your house, or while running errands. I’ve been on some really wonderful podcasts lately that I think you’ll love:
INSIGHTS AT THE EDGE: So, I’m going to be very honest with you…I was legitimately nervous to do this podcast! And I very rarely get nervous to do podcasts anymore. Not only is Tami Simon a FORCE OF NATURE, but she’s the founder of my publishing house, Sounds True! But the second we signed onto Zoom, all those nerves melted away. I LOVED this conversation between the two of us. I particularly loved talking about the concepts of being “positive” and “fearless” and the direction in which she took the conversation. Go figure, it was the podcast I was the most nervous for…and it ended up being one of my favorites.
LET IT OUT: Spend 2 hours and 5 minutes with me and my dear
in this deep-dive friendship download that didn’t at all feel like an interview in the best way…probably because I was just so thrilled to catch up with my friend of almost a decade. And because Katie D is just so so good at making all her conversations feel so cozy. If you want to feel like you’re eavesdropping on two close friends in a coffee shop, listen to this episode.VELVET’S EDGE: This was the first time Kelly and I had ever met, and we clicked right away. I just listened to this one on my park run this week and I LOVE how invested Kelly was in every single aspect of this interview. Especially loved how she applied our conversation in real-time to narratives of hers around dating. She’s a gem and I know you’ll love this.
THE MORNING RITUAL: Lilly, the host of
, is so calming to be around. Not only is her voice so deeply soothing, but her energy is so warm and generous. And to be clear: while I am definitely better at WORKING at night, and do NOT wake up very early, I cherish my mornings….so I guess I’m a Night Owl on the outside but an Early Bird on the inside?NOW YOU:
Let me know the things on your holidaytime joy list! Maybe it’s a gift you love to give? An activity you enjoy? Something you believe we all need to try this winter because it’s just that awesome? Leave a comment and add to the list.
THAT WRAPS IT UP FOR NOW!
I am so, so grateful for you. I know I say it all the time, but I hopw you know how much I mean it. Especially during this season of gratitude.
Move forward fearlessly, spread the good word, and be the you you know you’re meant to be…
SOME END NOTES:
I’m currently booking my speaking + workshop calendar through the end of Spring 2024. If you’d like me to come speak at your conference, event, company or organization, email me at katie@womenagainstnegativetalk.com and we can get a conversation started.
Are you using WANT YOUR SELF as your book club pick? Let me know and we can arrange a virtual author Q&A. I would love to dive in with you!
Listen + subscribe to the WANTcast on iTunes, Spotify, or wherevery you tune into your favorite podcasts. Don’t forget to rate + review it if you love it!
Buy my new book, WANT YOUR SELF: Shift Your Self-Talk and Unearth The Strength In Who You Were All Along on Amazon, Bookshop.org, Barnes & Noble, and wherever books are sold!
Thanks for sharing Katie! X