When Motivation Disappears: What to Do When You Have Zero Drive (Or Interest)
Just Do It BUT HOW???????
Hi friends —
Are you coming out of winter hibernation yet? I am. Slowly, but surely, I am. The warm(er) weather and cherry blossoms that are currently blooming around the city help. They’re bringing me more joy for sure.
But a weird thing is happening. The motivation I thought would be supercharged by the change of seasons is…nowhere to be found.
The truth is: sometimes motivation just doesn't show up. No matter how badly you want to feel inspired or energized, wanting it isn’t enough. And believe me, I’ve tried to want my way into motivation so many times. You can’t want a spark into existence when it’s fully MIA.
Since we very rarely have a unique experience, I’m guessing a lot of you are feeling the same way.
So today, let’s explore two things:
What to do when you feel almost motivated: when there's a flicker of interest, but it’s not quite strong enough to propel you forward.
What to do when you feel zero motivation: when you're not only completely stuck in the mud, but getting out feels kind of like “why bother.”
If you’re new here and think I’m some sort of *motivation machine* preaching from an annoyingly enthusiastic pedestal, let me quote Chris Farley as the bus driver in Billy Madison and say: I know from from experience, dude.
Have you ever had someone assume how you feel based on what they’ve seen you do? Probably, right? (Example: maybe you’re an early morning gym-goer and so people think you wake up with a ton of energy — but in reality, that’s just the time of day you can fit in a workout. You’d love to press snooze for another 15 minutes!) Same here. People OFTEN assume I’m way more consistently motivated than I actually am because of the *things* I manage to get done. (Or at least the *things* people SEE.)
Nope. I deal with resistance and lack of motivation all. the. time. ALL the time. So much so that I once had a therapist tell me I had an “inertia problem.” It’s so hard for me to get going sometimes. And that’s mostly because of my relationship with motivation.
I think of the Nike slogan Just Do It and it feels like an attack. Just Do It?
BUT HOW??
What’s also NOT helpful is that I’ll create stories about what motivation is or isn’t supposed to be. Like:
I’ll place an outsized level of importance on motivation, and tell myself that it needs to be a precursor to all the things. That unless I FEEL motivated, I can’t start.
I’ll tell myself that if I start without motivation, it won’t be authentic or enjoyable or successful. It’ll just be blah.
That kind of thinking can spiral quickly into shame, frustration, or self-doubt. I’ll tell myself things like “I should know better by now. Why can’t I just get it together?” Which of course just make me feel worse and like a slacker.
If this all sounds familiar to you: hi, this one’s for you.
THE GOODS, FOR MY VISUAL/AUDIO LEARNERS:
Since everyone learns in a different kind of way, I’m making it a new goal of mine to streamline and connect my content where and when I can. Not everyone prefers reading — some prefer watching a video or listening to a podcast. I also am realizing that I’m missing a whole huge subset of you when I ONLY post something in one medium. Maybe you don’t always feel like reading. Or maybe you prefer to read over listen or watch. Everyone is different, and every day is different. But I’d hate for the reason you didn’t get something that could’ve helped you to be that I only shared it in one place, in one way.
If you’re struggling with motivation and the above sounded all too familiar — but reading a whole post feels overwheming or something you don’t have time for right now or you just prefer watching/listening instead — this video is for you. Click/tap on the image to watch:
If you’re into listening, I’ve got you too. Just hit the player below:
And if you’re into reading: ONWARD!
FIRST: A QUICK REFRAME ON “QUITTING” + NOTE ON BREAKS
Before we talk about how to keep going, let’s take a moment to reframe what it means to quit.
Giving up isn’t always bad. Sometimes, letting go is the most powerful thing you can do — ESPECIALLY if what you’re holding onto is hurting you, draining you, or simply no longer serves the life you want to build. It takes a lot of strength and self-worth to stop doing something…sometimes even more than to keep going. There is no gold star for clinging to something that’s past its expiration date.
So ask yourself: What are the things you’ve ALREADY let go of in your life? What have you chosen to walk away from because deep down, you knew it wasn’t aligned with your values or your vision? Use that as proof when it feels hard to let go. You’ve done it before. You can choose again.
For the sake of this piece, we’re also going to assume you know that taking periods of rest/recovery is important, where and when you can — and you already practice that. If you’re anything like me, you’ve heard the advice to “take a break” many times. You’ve been told that you’ll come back from your break more energized. This piece is for the people who, no matter how many breaks you take, never seem to come back more energized. Who feel like enough is enough, and something needs to change in order to help you move forward.
WHEN YOU WANT MOTIVATION BUT FEEL STUCK
Now that that’s out of the way: let’s talk about what to do when you do want to keep going, but you can’t seem to get started.
1. Find Your Big “Why”
This isn’t about crafting a neat one-liner or a motivational poster quote. I’m talking about getting granular. Why, specifically, do you want to do this thing? Whether it’s a goal you’re chasing or a habit you’re trying to build, get super specific with yourself about the WHYS behind your WHATS.
Then go a step deeper: how does this “why” fit into the larger story you’re writing for your life? Does it have to do with some aspect of your career? Your health? Your family? How does this action move that part of your story forward?
2. Try Future-Casting
One of my favorite tools is something called future-casting: visualizing your future self in the context of the decisions you’re making today. It’s a powerful way to give present-day actions a sense of long-term meaning.
How to do it: Imagine that version of you has already done the thing you’re currently stuck on. It’s become a part of your life now. What does that version of you say about the journey? What are they able to do now because you made the choice to act today? Or maybe, if it’s more helpful to think the opposite way, what is that future version of you NOT able to do because you DIDN’T do the thing?
WHEN THERE’S ZERO MOTIVATION TO BE FOUND
(This is where I’ve been lately, fyi.)
Sometimes even the biggest WHYS and clearest visions fall flat. You’re burnt out. Exhausted. Overwhelmed. Motivation feels totally out of reach, and you’ve gotten to the point where you don’t even have a desire to have the desire.
When those moments happen, stop trying to chase motivation.
Instead, do a full-on reframe and shift your focus to discipline.
Discipline can be a loaded word. When I asked my husband Jeremy what came to mind when he heard the word “discipline,” he immediately thought of punishment, rules, or being scolded. Not great!!
I get it though. If “discipline” makes you think of restriction or shame, let’s reframe that too. (I know, it’s a reframe-within-a-reframe; stay with me though.)
DISCIPLINE = SELF-TRUST.
Discipline isn’t about being hard on yourself. It’s about building a relationship with yourself where you trust you’re good for your own word. It’s saying, “I’m going to follow through on what I said I’d do,” and then doing it. Not because you’re being forced to — but because you want to prove to yourself that you’re reliable.
THAT’S what builds self-confidence. Not hype. Not motivation. Trust.
And self-confidence? That’s just self-trust, practiced over and over again.
BUT WHAT IF I DON’T WANNAAAA
Yes, it would be *nice* to feel pumped to do the thing you want to do — sit down and write, get in a workout, cook dinner at home, pitch yourself to potential business partners, launch your website, fill out job applications, schedule appointments, WHATEVER. It would feel nice to feel excited!
But.
What if your feelings in the moment are actually IRRELEVANT?
What if getting the thing done ISN’T about being excited every time you do it?
What if it’s simply about putting in the reps?
Motivation is a nice-to-have, but it’s not a NEED-TO-HAVE. I love a fitness metaphor, so think about this one: when you go to the gym and head over to the weight rack, you don’t start with the 60-pound dumbbell if you’re struggling with 10. If you do, you’re going to majorly hurt yourself. You build up to the weight you want to be able to lift, slowly and steadily. One lift, and one rep, at a time.
Each rep you put in toward your goal builds strength — not just physical, but mental and emotional strength. Each rep you complete feels like a mini victory, and when you’re able to do do a little more that you did before BECAUSE of that rep, that feels even better.
Want to start a newsletter but not feeling motivated to write? Begin a journaling practice where you put in the reps every day and write SOMETHING.
Want to get more work but not motivated to pitch yourself to new clients/buyers/brands/whatever? Find one new person or place to pitch per month, then put in the reps and send that one pitch per month. Just one. Just once a month.
Allow yourself to gain momentum.
What’s cool is that every time you do the thing you SAID you would, you give yourself a little hit of dopamine from accomplishing the thing. That sense of accomplishment can be more motivating than waiting around for inspiration to strike in the first place.
SO, TO RECAP…
Here’s what to do when motivation is missing:
Start with your big why. Get specific. Then place it in the broader context of the life you’re building.
Future-cast. Visualize your future self and ask: what happened because I did (or didn’t) follow through?
And then when those don’t work:
Shift your goal from motivation to discipline. Remember: discipline is showing yourself you’re good for your word — not about punishing yourself
Take feelings out of the equation. Discipline builds confidence, and that confidence builds momentum. And momentum can lead to motivation — but that happens after, not before.
Motivation might come right away…or it might not. It might be a quick switch-flip or a slow build.
I know that when I start to take the focus off of motivation and focus on other things — whether it’s my WHY, my future self, or discipline — THAT’S when I start to get moving.
And that’s when I realize that JUST DO IT isn’t supposed to be a source of motivation, it’s supposed to be a straightforward directive.
I realize that, yes, the seasonal shifts can help me out…but they’ll only help me out if *I* help me out first.
NOW YOU:
I wanna know how you feel about motivation. Is there something you haven’t been able to get yourself to do lately that you really WANT to do? Is there something you’ve done that you’ve done despite feeling unmotivated — and how did you do it? Leave a comment and let’s work it out together:
this was so good- i needed these reminders today ♥